When I got here from Portugal I was happy to see my friends, but not happy, happy inside me. I had had the 2 most awful months of my life and was still wondering if coming to Africa had been my most brilliant idea. I am sure that at the time if my friends had not pressured me to come and I did not have my boyfriend drive me to the airport I would just simply not come. I was scared, confused, sad, and the voices in my head (don't worry they don't tell me to do any bad things): P kept on asserting the fact that I was stupid, dumb, an idiot, worthless, it was pretty bad I must say.
I spent six weeks here of glorious fun and it started the very next day after my arrival. I felt useful because I was helping Heather with her home school and I was doing what I loved. I learned so much about people, about myself, about life and especially about Africa.
10 things I learned about myself, others and Africa:
1.I’m tougher than I think (for someone who is not a camping person I did better than I thought on our 5 day camping trip)
2.Swahili is one of the easiest languages to learn
3.I learned to cook from my African ladies typically African food
4.After a rain you can see the top of a mountain way better
5.I learned that my fears are most time a lie my brain wants me to believe
6.I learned breakfast is a sacred moment of peace for one's mind, body, soul and tummy
7.Bargain really works and it is not bad
8.People are so friendly in Africa
9.There is nothing more beautiful than an African sunset or sunrise
10.I fell in love with Africa
When my friend J. first went to India I thought he had gone insane. Why could he not be normal like everybody else? Why did he have to go to INDIA to rest, find himself, or whatever? I mean I was not too happy, I was not going to have my annoying best friend near me for 5 weeks, I was scared something bad might happen to him, and well you get the picture I was being one selfish brat (I tend to do that and only realize later, I don't mean to be selfish, but I end up being anyway). When I made up my mind to come to Tanzania, he was my first supporter in every sense of the word, he cheered me, supported me and gave me money to come on this trip; he knew something I did not. He knew that sometimes you have to go far to find yourself within and learn how to appreciate yourself, others and home by being somewhere completely different than Home.
Did I find myself? I am not sure; I like to think I did.
I have been laughing, and smiling, and jumping on the trampoline and camping and for goodness sake hiking, so I like to think that if I did not find myself at least something in me changed. I think a lot in me changed actually I realized I had been living in my past instead of my present, that I was holding a grudge against the world, that I liked to make myself feel older than I really am, that most of the fears I had had something to do with things that happened back in the day and that I was not letting go of a bunch of things so I could not move forward. I re-found my passion for writing, while I was here too, I had forgotten how happy writing makes me feel, no matter how crappy it might be, I knitted, three scarves with no mistakes or holes in it, I actually finished them, and I danced (I have not danced in like forever).
I could have had the same amount of time off of work back home that I would never have had the time to discover all these amazing, hidden things in me.
How could I not be sad about leaving? When this place gave me so much.
I fell in love and now I have to go back, back to my reality, back to my city life, back.
I am excited about seeing my friends and going home and I am looking forward to the last part of my adventure, and the start of a whole new adventure in Portugal.
I have a hope now. A hope of returning someday!
Sometimes dreams do come true, they do, they do!
P.S. Title credits got to Trevor Borden, his songs have been the soundtrack for my trip here, and I just love this one song so much.
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