Pondering

I am sitting on my desk with some 12 equipments of cable TV to check- in and all I can do is sit and stare.
After a night of no sleep, and you could think it would be for some great, or honorable reason, but it wasn't, it was just plain fear and anticipation of Today.
As I have been writing lately, my job despite the fact that I do most times like what I am doing, is also killing me, harming me, hurting me.
I am a very calm person about almost anything, I stress at times, but I do not recall ever having anxiety attacks over any specific situation, not up till now.
I have anxiety attacks almost every day.
Yesterday I asked for a day off because I had to go get signed up for the Portuguese Biology National Exam so I can apply to college in this country, I asked my dear Technical Director if he wanted me to still work from home as the technicians need a callback every hour and since it usually is my job I offered, he said yes, only so later he could call me, yelling at me and asking me why the heck did I take the phone.I wanted to tell him to go to hell and I mean it.
I spent a day of hell, stressing about work. Every time my friend called from work with a voice like the World was ending and would not tell me what was going on I stressed.
I stress because my Technical Director is the most unorganized person I have met, because he has me do things and then asks me why I did such thing. Because he is constantly wanting my full attention for his menial jobs(like getting coffee, or his lunch) instead of thinking about the million things I need to get done before six for him, me and the Commercial Director(yes I could not only have ONE boss), I hate the way he treats the handy man here at work like this man is a dog not a person, and I hate the way he sometimes treats me, like I have nothing else in my head besides air. I think I hate him! And in this case hate is so not a strong word.
So today, I had made up my mind about leaving this money hungry stall, but I got called by my PhD boss(Who drives a great car and tells me that if he could he would have me working here for no paycheck at all) that wanted to know why the heck did I want to leave the company, and so I told him, everything, and went cuckoo telling him the truth and he listened and was terribly sweet to me, telling me how important I am for this company. Exactly what I would say if I did not want to lose the receptionist/back office/personal assistant who gets a 600 euro paycheck(which is way underpaid for the job I am doing).
And so I sit, stare and ponder about all of this, wondering if all this stress is worth it, if getting sick again is worth it, for 600 euros and contemplating the possibility of losing all my pride and beg for my job at the mall back.
I need a job, but I do not need this kind of crap in my life. I am not like them women you see on TV who work at big companies and act all bitchy to other men and women who work with them, I do not have one ounce of that in me(I do not think I would even if I really wanted to) and to be honest I do not want to have it. I like being me, I like being able to think about so many other things besides making loads of money.
I have reached no exact conclusion!
So if you have an opinion about this I am more than willing to listen, or read about it.
Why can't life just be simple, like having a cup o chai and feeling the warm earth beneath my feet and this feeling of endless happiness burning in me for something so normal?