Since I have not been so good about blogging I think I am allowed 2 posts in ONE day.
I just thought I would love to share my feeling of complete accomplishment at the end of a day of work when I look at my desk and see neatness and organization, where in just a few hours before there was pure chaos.
Nothing makes me feel better at my last minutes at the office than my neat desk, that I know will be waiting for me tomorrow.
It makes me feel happy and warm and fuzzy, and since I have only been complaining about things and life I decided to post something happy!
Bye
Me
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
And Tehur Has One Small New Meltdown
I tend to have these terrible panic attacks when confronted with the reality of my situation and this morning after a meeting with my boss I just had one of them.
I have been working, thinking I was going to receive an amount in my paycheck and it turns out I was mistaken. At a moment where my life is having major changes, when I have more things to pay than money I make, I freak out, literally as in yelling and pulling my hair, crying and wanting to kill myself sort of way.
Just this end of month I am moving houses, having to pay things that I had no idea I had to pay and working a demanding job that despite all I truly love.
I don't know how other people do it.
Everyone talks about how we are going through hard times, I feel them in my bank account every pay day, and I just don't know how people manage.
I have been so good about so much these 4 years I have lived on my own, but at this moment in my life all I want to do is slip under a rock and disappear.
The world is one big scary place to be right now. Especially if you are alone.
Everywhere I turn it seems either you are married and have someone to share house and debts with, or you,pardon the expression, are screwed!
I guess by my own standards I am pretty SCREWED...
Money makes my head hurt, but I also cannot simply live without money, so...Well I guess I will figure it out, not all is bad. I have a pretty new house to move into near everything and it's cozy and cute and I am happy about it, because I get to call it my own. Finally! Yay!
It will be a whole new sacrifice, but a very welcomed one.
Lunch hour over, gotta go meltdown over paperwork.
Me
I have been working, thinking I was going to receive an amount in my paycheck and it turns out I was mistaken. At a moment where my life is having major changes, when I have more things to pay than money I make, I freak out, literally as in yelling and pulling my hair, crying and wanting to kill myself sort of way.
Just this end of month I am moving houses, having to pay things that I had no idea I had to pay and working a demanding job that despite all I truly love.
I don't know how other people do it.
Everyone talks about how we are going through hard times, I feel them in my bank account every pay day, and I just don't know how people manage.
I have been so good about so much these 4 years I have lived on my own, but at this moment in my life all I want to do is slip under a rock and disappear.
The world is one big scary place to be right now. Especially if you are alone.
Everywhere I turn it seems either you are married and have someone to share house and debts with, or you,pardon the expression, are screwed!
I guess by my own standards I am pretty SCREWED...
Money makes my head hurt, but I also cannot simply live without money, so...Well I guess I will figure it out, not all is bad. I have a pretty new house to move into near everything and it's cozy and cute and I am happy about it, because I get to call it my own. Finally! Yay!
It will be a whole new sacrifice, but a very welcomed one.
Lunch hour over, gotta go meltdown over paperwork.
Me
Monday, May 25, 2009
Wake Up And Smell The Coffee!!!!
I love Mondays!
I know it is quite unusual to love Mondays, but I do.
I take public transportation to work, it takes me an 1 and a half to get to the place I am working right now. A bus, a train, the metro, the train again and the bus again. I see a lot of people every morning. I see happy people, angry people, sad people and my very favorite...Crazy people. As I sit down and try not to fall asleep I wonder what these people are thinking.
The same routine, the same transportation, the same job, the same everything.
It gets my brain all boggled up to think about what these people are thinking.
I watch them and watch and wonder and make up pretend conversations in my head of what could possibly be going in their heads.
The one thought that always slips into my mind, more like a question is...Are these people really doing what they love??????
I am a lucky girl, I have always done what I liked, even when I was working at the mall I was doing something I loved, even though it tired me four years later.
But most people are not as lucky as I am. Most people do things that they hate because they get a good paycheck at the end of the month.
So when I sit in the train wondering and thinking I cannot help but be sad over these people's lives.
I have experienced so much, been places, seen things, been happy...Truly happy!
So right this minute as I sit in front of my computer at work waiting to start my day of craziness and I think about the people in the public transportation on my way to work I am joyful.
So very joyful I get to do something I love and that I have been lucky to see so much...
My heart is truly glad!!!!!
Wake up and smell the coffee people it's a new day!!!!!!!
Update soon soon
Me
I know it is quite unusual to love Mondays, but I do.
I take public transportation to work, it takes me an 1 and a half to get to the place I am working right now. A bus, a train, the metro, the train again and the bus again. I see a lot of people every morning. I see happy people, angry people, sad people and my very favorite...Crazy people. As I sit down and try not to fall asleep I wonder what these people are thinking.
The same routine, the same transportation, the same job, the same everything.
It gets my brain all boggled up to think about what these people are thinking.
I watch them and watch and wonder and make up pretend conversations in my head of what could possibly be going in their heads.
The one thought that always slips into my mind, more like a question is...Are these people really doing what they love??????
I am a lucky girl, I have always done what I liked, even when I was working at the mall I was doing something I loved, even though it tired me four years later.
But most people are not as lucky as I am. Most people do things that they hate because they get a good paycheck at the end of the month.
So when I sit in the train wondering and thinking I cannot help but be sad over these people's lives.
I have experienced so much, been places, seen things, been happy...Truly happy!
So right this minute as I sit in front of my computer at work waiting to start my day of craziness and I think about the people in the public transportation on my way to work I am joyful.
So very joyful I get to do something I love and that I have been lucky to see so much...
My heart is truly glad!!!!!
Wake up and smell the coffee people it's a new day!!!!!!!
Update soon soon
Me
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I am stuck at work!!!!!
I am stuck at work!!!!
I am starting to think that maybe I will just move in into the office.
My way of going home is answering emails so I am stuck here being hungry and impatient all alone. So here I am sharing my heart with the WWW!!!!!!
I am so hungry I am pretty sure I could eat a whole cow on my own!!!!! Or a sweedish meatball sandwich, or maybe some Italian food!
Actually some cabbage and ugali would be nice, or fried eggs and toast with a mug of warm coffee....OK STOP IT!!!!! I am drooling over my computer and sobbing all at once. The hunger and thoughts of my nice yummy African food are killing me!
I don't really feel like I want to be serious today, so I am going to shove that person off of that chair and into the car...All I want today is to laugh till my bellie hurts and not think about having to wake up at 6 am.
Bye
Me
P.S. At least I am getting thinner...yay
LOL
I am starting to think that maybe I will just move in into the office.
My way of going home is answering emails so I am stuck here being hungry and impatient all alone. So here I am sharing my heart with the WWW!!!!!!
I am so hungry I am pretty sure I could eat a whole cow on my own!!!!! Or a sweedish meatball sandwich, or maybe some Italian food!
Actually some cabbage and ugali would be nice, or fried eggs and toast with a mug of warm coffee....OK STOP IT!!!!! I am drooling over my computer and sobbing all at once. The hunger and thoughts of my nice yummy African food are killing me!
I don't really feel like I want to be serious today, so I am going to shove that person off of that chair and into the car...All I want today is to laugh till my bellie hurts and not think about having to wake up at 6 am.
Bye
Me
P.S. At least I am getting thinner...yay
LOL
Friday, May 15, 2009
HI
I know I haven't posted for a long time. Life has been quite crazy lately. A new job, a new beginning as a single person once again and a lot of crazy changes in my always crazy life.
I wonder!
I wonder because I do not know what is that God has planned for me and I am scared.
The job has been great, I have started working in the office instead of outside knocking on people's doors. I like it a lot better. but it is far and it ends late.
Money also has not stretched and returning from a long absence has not been smooth, especially since I started working.
Living in a money making culture can totally kill the happiest, most joyful simple heart. I feel suffocated by what I see and what I hear. I miss Africa everyday. Sometimes I cry, and most times I sigh, and like I told Lisa I dream of Loita and it makes me feel safe and warm and fuzzy.
I am happy though, I feel pretty happy, but it is an ambivalent feeling. This is my home, but home sometimes means heartache.
I guess I just need a little more time...
Being single is a different story! It was hurtful and it was sad but like most things in life it will go away, this pain and sadness.
Have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt.
The craziness is normal in my life if it was not there it would not be real, I like it that way. It gives meaning to my existance.
I know I have been a bad blogger, but between not having the internet, being dumped, working more than 12 hours and sleeping, time just does not exist.
Hopefully it will pay off, talk to me when I own a Maserati( that would be if I cared about such things)
Someone laughed at my idea of not wanting to live my life around money, I laughed at him for letting money control his life.
I will be happy, one day, somewhere, in a beautiful simple place and I will be FREE!!!!
Which is something money cannot buy!
Me
I wonder!
I wonder because I do not know what is that God has planned for me and I am scared.
The job has been great, I have started working in the office instead of outside knocking on people's doors. I like it a lot better. but it is far and it ends late.
Money also has not stretched and returning from a long absence has not been smooth, especially since I started working.
Living in a money making culture can totally kill the happiest, most joyful simple heart. I feel suffocated by what I see and what I hear. I miss Africa everyday. Sometimes I cry, and most times I sigh, and like I told Lisa I dream of Loita and it makes me feel safe and warm and fuzzy.
I am happy though, I feel pretty happy, but it is an ambivalent feeling. This is my home, but home sometimes means heartache.
I guess I just need a little more time...
Being single is a different story! It was hurtful and it was sad but like most things in life it will go away, this pain and sadness.
Have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt.
The craziness is normal in my life if it was not there it would not be real, I like it that way. It gives meaning to my existance.
I know I have been a bad blogger, but between not having the internet, being dumped, working more than 12 hours and sleeping, time just does not exist.
Hopefully it will pay off, talk to me when I own a Maserati( that would be if I cared about such things)
Someone laughed at my idea of not wanting to live my life around money, I laughed at him for letting money control his life.
I will be happy, one day, somewhere, in a beautiful simple place and I will be FREE!!!!
Which is something money cannot buy!
Me
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