After a very interesting weekend I have come to a conclusion about me.
I am ALWAYS,but I mean ALWAYS , complaining about something. Either it's work that is annoying me, or other people, or myself, even just little things like if I don't get to buy those pants I really wanted because I do not have the money. I do not even bother to look upon the bright side of the situation, I just complain.
After this little, actually BIG defect of my personality being point out in more than one situation, byt a million different people I decided to act upon it.
It is not like I don't know it's there, because I do. It is more like, before I know it it's out and there is nothing I can do about it.
What triggered my whole thought process was when I went shopping with my friend and her 5 year old sister. Sarah is just the most amazing 5 year old girl I have met. She is really girly and sweet(when she wants to be), at first shy, but when she really gets to know you she is one chatterbox, and I love her. So we all went shopping together and none of us really has much money to spend. We love this time of the year because everything is on sale, and so we spent a lovely night at the mall laughing and trying on clothes. Sarah was really patient with us helping us pick out stuff to try on, making funny faces at some things she saw, a miniature Cathy(her sister). After we got really tired of looking at our clothes we took her to look at her section, she was thrilled and you could see how excited she was. By then I was having a hard time trying to decide what was it that I was going to take, because I knew there was no possible way that I could afford to take all I wanted.
My attitude was not the best I must say. I was plainly complaining under my breath. Sarah's eye caught the glimpse of this little pink jacket and she fell in love with it, she had this other stripes top in her hands and just like every child she ran to her sister asking her if she would buy it for her.
Cathy looked at her, in a big sisterly manner and told her she could take one, but only one, and so she had to choose between the two. Now must I remind you all she is five, only five years old. She stood silently looking at the two items for some time holding them in front of her. After maybe 5 minutes she hang the top ran over with the jacket in her hand yelling to her sister, "I want this one, I pick this one!!!!!".
I was a few meters back and had watched the whole scene and when I saw that little girl running to her sister telling her she had decided on that one my heart went cold, my guilt was immense and I even wanted to cry a little out of sadness and embarrassment. Sadness because I think that had go to be a hard decision for a five year old girl, and I think that being five and so completely aware of the world and the problems around you is tough, and embarrassed because I am 22 years old and I was having a bad, bad ,bad attitude about the whole thing.
That got my thought process going for a whole night, but by next morning I did not remember it too clearly because I was still complaining, until a friend pointed that out, which stopped me o my tracks and brought back the previous memories.
I have a hard time with the complaining, I always did, as far and wide as I can remember, I have been a complainer about some things. I remember my math teacher telling me that if I complained less and focused more I would finish my homework a lot quicker and would save him a lot of headache(I never really liked him very much anyway:P).
This week is my "I WILL BE SO CHEERFUL AND HAPPY IT WILL MAKE YOU SICK WEEK!!!!!!".
I do not by one minute mean that in a depreciating manner, I really mean it like I want it. I want to be really cheerful... So I have promised myself to not complain and actually keep a tab of the complaining, that will need a lot of work, and to work on my cheerfulness. I guess if I five year old can do it, so can I!
I will let you know how that worked out for me, because I really, really, REAAAALLLYYYY don't feel cheerful sometimes, or most times.
I love a good challenge:) and this one is a big one.
